NT Scan

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Our NT scan yesterday at 12w2d could not have gone better. The babys' heartrates were strong at 160+ bpm, and both were measuring ahead of schedule this time. Best of all, the results indicate that there is a 1 in 2000 chance that they have Down's Syndrome and a 1 in 8000 chance that they have Trisomy 13 or 18. It appears that we have two healthy, viable fetuses.

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As the first trimester comes to an end, I am beginning to believe that we might actually have two babies come November. It's surreal. The relief I feel that our infertility nightmare might finally be over is second only to the joyous anticipation I feel about meeting the children we have waited so long for. Yet, I am also beginning to feel scared about whether I am truly ready to care for two infants. I know they are going to turn my entire world upside down, but I feel confident that I can handle the challenge. After confronting the possibility that I may never have children, I don't know how I could ever take one moment of being a mother for granted.

However, my growing confidence about this pregnancy has not alleviated my constant worrying. My fear of miscarriage has been replaced by my fear of pregnancy complications, especially considering that a twin pregnancy places us at increased risk. As I slowly let down my defenses and open my heart to this pregnancy, my growing attachment to these babies reminds me that I have so much to lose. It's an absolutely terrifying feeling.

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